Not Waiting for the Afterlife

Once, in my proverbial peripheral vision I caught a glimpse, and now I am ruined. To have experienced the brush of God’s glory is to have tasted fire, and fire, once tasted, burns away the desire for anything other than more.

I’ve tasted fire I’m ready to come alive

I can’t just shut it up and fake that I’m alright

I’m ready now

I’m not waiting for the afterlife

 

I’ll let it burn the way the sunlight burns my skin

The way I feel inside, the way the day begins

I’m ready now

I’m not waiting for the other side

I’m ready now, I’m ready now

 

Cause everyday the world is made

A chance to change But I feel the same

And I wonder

Why would I wait till I die to come alive?

I’m ready now

I’m not waiting for the afterlife…

 

- Switchfoot, Afterlife

There is a purpose to this life, and it is not simply to be good and hope for paradise in the afterlife. In this life, right now, we can know and experience, enjoy and communicate, with the Divine. It is only on this plane that our eternal souls can find rest while living in our mortal bodies.

Missing out on communion with God now, means missing out on the messy, beautiful and devastating existence of discovering how fulfilling life lived in connection to God can be. Part of life here is learning how to unlock that thing deep inside that is eternal and allow it to grow and shine.

For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son. Colossians 1:13

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10

A Little Bit About My Mother

When I found my mother on her knees in prayer, I knew it wouldn’t be long before she would confront me with blunt honesty about a character trait that needed correcting, or a behavior that was unbecoming, or worse, expose the dark thoughts of my heart to the harsh light of truth. My mother on her knees, just the sight of it, evoked preemptive confession, because I learned early that God spoke to her…about me.

She loved me, sometimes to the point of suffocation, but even then, I knew how fortunate I was to have the love of this fine woman. She spoke wisdom into every season of my life. Words I would at first resent that would later bring life. Words I repeat to my own daughter. She found the balance between being my mother and being my friend, and I strive to replicate it, but I am not she, and my daughter is not me.

She would dish with me until the wee hours after a first date. Draw out of me the details of a first kiss. Help me heal from broken hearts and never belittle the drama of early love. She tried to argue me out of every boyfriend I ever had, and the one-day she could not successfully convince me that the boy was not right for me, was the day she knew I had found “the one.”

She was proud of me and I never doubted it. As the wife of a pastor, she had a public face that gave time and attention to everyone but me, but within the walls of our home, I was the apple of her eye. She spoke well of me to others and the blessings of her words of love continue to spill over me as I hear them repeated to me from the lips of her friends.

My Lovely Mama

This is my third Mother’s Day without my precious mother. I feel the loss of her wisdom, love, and strength everyday as I strive to be an insightful mother to my daughter. I wish I could call her for advice. Like her though, I spend time on my knees seeking God’s wisdom. My daughter will experience the same phenomenon; a mother who appears clairvoyant, but in truth, is simply exercising her privilege as a daughter of the Most High God, to receive the wisdom of heaven.

I miss her. Especially on days like Mother’s Day. She was remarkable. If I am able to harness only a sliver of her essence, it will sustain me. If I am fortunate enough to experience the same connection to the Divine as she did, I will bring light to my family. May it be so.

Life Lessons from a Cracker-Jack Toy

God created you for beauty – and redeemed you for beauty – so that you and your joy and peace and gratitude for what he’s done for you in Christ would be put on display in a dark, watching world.¹

Created for beauty. What a magnificent thought. Could it be that someone as plain and unremarkable as I, could have actually been created for beauty? If this is true, I want to grasp this hope with both fists and cling to it for all I’m worth. Beauty. The kind that can only come from deep within the well of a soul. The kind that cannot fade with age, no, on the contrary, the kind that can actually grow more intense the longer we journey these shadowlands exposing our hearts to the Source, to the Light.

Like a glow-in-the-dark Cracker-Jack ring, we don’t radiate brightness into a dark world until we are brought out of our own darkness and exposed to the light, and even then, the light we give is not our own.

The greatness that men seem to have is as the greatness of moonlight, which is but the glory of the sun reflected. Man’s glory is borrowed. He shines in the light that never was on land or sea. He reflects God’s greatness but has none of his own.²

And as with that plastic ring, our radiance will only grow, will only remain as long as we remain utterly exposed to our Light Source. The secret to radiating the beauty of a God-soaked life is exposure to God himself, and the more prolonged your exposure, the more brilliant your light.

Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:15-17

It isn’t enough to simply radiate with the beauty of God’s light. If we were created for beauty, it was for the sake of a watching world so those who are seeking, might recognize that which they seek in you, and you may, in turn, have the extraordinary privilege of exposing them to Jesus, the one who caused the veil in the temple to be torn wide open, granting us full access to the life-giving light of God himself.

This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. 1 John 1:5-6

Spiritual darkness is a nasty affliction that can affect even those who claim to walk in Light. What a sad picture. To see one who stands at the door, key in hand, refusing to release the lock that will flood their shadowed soul with radiant light. Open the door, expose yourself to God’s magnificent light with ongoing, intentional soaking baths of the living word of God as presented in scripture and through authentic communication with God through prayer and meditation.

Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light. Luke 11:35-36

Finally, let’s not mistake our goodness for light. We are not good. Only God is good. The best we can do is reflect the light of God to a dark and searching world. Let’s make sure the Light we reflect is compelling and brilliant. Like the Craker-Jack ring, we are only as brilliant as the Light we absorb. Let’s bask in the presence of our God of Fire and Rainbows until our brilliance is beautiful.

1.Jesus+Nothing=Everything, Tullian Tchividjian, 2. Man – The Dwelling Place of God, A.W. Tozer

Just a Bucket of Water

One more poem from my grandmother to close out National Poetry Month…

Like a bucket in a well,

I wish that I could be.

That thirsty people passing by,

would quench their thirst in me.

The world is full of thirsty folks,

Not seeking natural water.

Their souls are dry and parched by sin.

Some mother’s son or daughter.

By the wayside well of Jacob,

Sat the Christ of Galilee.

There came a woman of Samaria,

And He said, “Give drink to me.”

The woman was quite astonished,

And the meaning could not see.

Jesus answered if though knew,

Who it is that speaks to thee.

He’s given thee living water,

As well within thy soul.

Springing into everlasting life.

To drink and be made whole.

Just like a water bucket,

Help me Lord to be.

That thirsty souls along life’s way,

May find a drink in me.

Vivian Willard

February 4, 1938

The View is Nice From Here

The view is nice from here

Standing in the middle of the beginning and the end

Enough regrets to flavor the days

Sufficient hope to drive back the nights

So much understood with much to learn

The view is nice from here

The Drink That Satisfies: A Guest Post in Honor of National Poetry Month

I have the privilege to share another guest post today in honor of National Poetry Month. This time, we are hearing from my grandmother, Vivian Willard.  Let me give a little back-story to set the framework for this poem.

My grandmother was born in 1913, so most of her growing-up years took place during the Prohibition.  She once told me a story about a young man who took her to a speak-easy, and she, being the good girl that she was, found herself way out of her element. However, knowing what a phenomenal pianist she was, her date encouraged her to play something for the people. She really only knew how to play the hymns she played in church, save one song, “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles,” so that’s what she played in the speak-easy bar. This is the same story that included her sage wisdom, “Just because he carries a Bible doesn’t mean he’s a nice boy.” Apparently the boy who took her to the speak-easy carried a Bible…

I suspect the influence of the Prohibition and perhaps the date at the speak-easy may have inspired this poem (which I find slightly amusing).

The Drink That Satisfies

I care not to drink

From bottles of wine

Or mixtures of alcohol.

A drink that you think

Will make you feel fine

Gives only a headache – that’s all.

To drown your troubles

Amidst the bubbles

Is certainly not a good cure.

No lasting results can be obtained,

And you’re many dollars more poor.

I’ve tried to forget,

But only regret,

By trying this way of flight,

For troubles forgotten in revelry

Will be remembered the next night.

I found a way that fully supplies

My need and every care.

I’ve found a drink that satisfies

And one who my burdens share.

There’s no price – nothing to pay,

It’s free to one and all.

Just make a decision this very day,

On the name of Christ to call.

And ask Him to His blood apply,

And cleanse your heart from sin.

You’ll find that He will hear your cry

And give you joy and peace within.

I’m content to drink from here,

The Well of Full Salvation.

No more to worry fret and fear,

Or drink of Hell’s Damnation.

Written by Vivian Willard, February 3, 1936

A special thank you to my aunt Esther for sharing grandma’s poetry portfolio with Twirling Girl!

Note: If you haven’t stopped by The Epignosis Project, now would be a good time to take a peek at what I’m up to over there…

Feeding the Multitude: A Guest Contribution to National Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month, I am excited to share the poetry of my lovely Aunt Esther who has graciously given permission to Twirling Girl to post this wonderful and timely poem. Thank you Esther for sharing your gift with us!

FEEDING THE MULTITUDE

 How many times have we seen a maimed child

Or a blind man tapping his cane?

Perhaps we have watched a loved one die,

And our hearts were broken with pain.

 

We can’t understand why our Lord would allow

Us to suffer such agony.

Our faith is shaken, we’re angry with Him,

And we cry out, “Oh God, why me?”

 

A thought came to me while reading His Word,

As in Matthew fourteen I read

How with only two fishes and five little loaves

He the multitude fed.

 

Then I read it again, I had missed the point,

The words that were actually spoken

Said He took the food, He blessed it first,

And the bread that He gave was broken.

 

It’s mentioned again in Luke twenty four,

How He blessed, He broke, and He fed.

Their eyes were opened, He was known to them

Through the act of breaking the bread.

 

He always feeds with the broken bread…

His body was broken for us.

So when you ask, “Why me?” take heart,

There’s blessing in brokenness.

A Li’l Bit O’ Preachin’

Our story has been written from beginning to end, and we are, and will be victorious. Don’t buy into the lies of your accuser, he’s got nothin’ on you that the blood of Jesus hasn’t already covered. The shame, the guilt, it’s no longer yours to bear. We have a sweet Savior, a great Deliverer, a strong Defender, who raised us to life. We are born of spirit and the ruler of this world no longer holds power over us. We have Jesus, the Gateway to God.

So the Word (logos) became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son. John 1:14

The Word became human. In the Greek, Logos became human. Logos: expressing the thoughts of the Father through the Spirit (Strong’s). The expressed thoughts of God translate into the person of Christ. Jesus, the fullest expression of God; Jesus, who now stands at God’s right hand interceding for us, his own special possession.

We have Jesus, and that is all we will ever need for complete and total victory over everything that enslaves.

And they overcame because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word (logos) of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death.  Revelation 12:11

How do we overcome? By the blood of the Lamb. Who is the Lamb? Jesus. And the word of our testimony. What is the word? Jesus. There is nothing else. Our life is already lost and by losing it, we have found it.

Our story has been written from beginning to end, and we are, and will be victorious.

The Epignosis Project

The Birth of the Epignosis Project

I looked around and saw marriages crumbling, unforgiveness rampant, and children of the Light behaving like children of darkness. I turned my gaze upon myself and saw a selfish, malcontent, listening to the scream of culture that had overtaken the Gentle Whisper of Truth. Despairing, I called out to the God I’d known my whole life, the God who, by his grace, will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle¹, and the God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” made his light shine in my heart so I could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.² The Epignosis Project was born. That was the fall of 2009, and I have never been the same.

In an ancient mandate, God instructed the Israelites to “build my altar wherever I cause my name to be remembered, and I will come to you and bless you.”³  In response to the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ that God caused to shine in my heart that day, I began to build an altar. This altar has since evolved into a beautiful journey of enlightenment that I call The Epignosis Project; an event that now occurs for me every six months for twenty days. It is a spiritual, mental, physical and emotional cleansing for the purpose of embracing spiritual awakening and gaining a fuller, more complete, correct and discerning knowledge of God.

Epignosis: (ep-ig’-no-sis) is a Greek word meaning precise and correct knowledge; full and discerning knowledge; participatory, experiential knowledge.

It is the word Paul uses in these passages:

I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge (epignosis) of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. Ephesians 1:17-18

I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge (epignosis) and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God. Philippians 1:9-11

So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge (epignosis) of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.  Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. Colossians 1:9-10

That is the way I want to know God, don’t you? To have spiritual wisdom and insight, to have a heart flooded with light, to be confident of our hope, strength to live purely, and to bear healthy fruit! This is the kind of knowledge that goes beyond just knowing and sinks deep into the kind of knowing that only comes from intense, intimate, experiential relationship.

Let me ask you this, how is your faith working for you? Are you secretly perplexed when you hear others speak about the Glory of God or the beauty of Christ?  Do you feel like you might be missing the point? Do you look outside of Christ to find satisfaction because you can’t imagine being satisfied in Christ alone? Is it painful to pray? Do you find any excuse to avoid cracking open a Bible, and when you finally do, do the words fall flat? Are you willing to take a chance to taste and see the goodness of the Christ? Then I invite you to join me in the Epignosis Project.

The Epinosis Project Deconstructed

I find it is helpful to recognize the natural rhythms God has placed in our hearts to determine the time of the year to engage in the Epignosis project. For me, I mark the Autumnal Equinox and the Vernal Equinox as the concluding day of my Epignosis each time. I chose these seasons because they both symbolize periods of shift and change. Spring symbolizes new life, fresh starts, new beginnings; autumn is the very essence of change as the gateway to bursts of color, smells of spice, and breathtaking sunsets. Both seasons stir anticipation in me, they always have, and I use this sense of anticipation to serve as the launching pad for each Epignosis Project with the culmination ending in a personal celebration at equinox. I find that the fall Epignosis also gives me the foundation for transitioning into a healthier, more meaningful Christmas Holiday season, and spring transitions my spirit beautifully into Holy Week.

Following the initial moment that God reached out and snatched me from a miry pit in the fall of 2009, I have been through five seasons of Epignosis. No season has ever disappointed. Each journey across the twenty days are filled with warfare, bliss, anguish and joy. As a woman, I liken these twenty days to the twenty hours I was in labor with my child. Epignosis Project spring 2010 birthed the desire to be in God’s word daily.  Epignosis fall 2010 brought freedom from seeking satisfaction in anything less than Christ. This blog, Twirling Girl, was born out of The Epignosis Project of spring 2011. The fall 2011 Epignosis Project birthed a position of ministry leadership with the women at my church. Today marks the conclusion of Epignosis, spring 2012, and another ministry opportunity has taken shape and is at this moment being birthed. What will Epignosis Project Fall 2012 bring?

This project is deeply personal, and, should you decide to embark on such a journey it will be important for you to notice the direction the Holy Spirit is leading you at that season. I find I usually have a question I’m asking such as “what does it mean to abide in Christ” or ““What can I do with the time and resources I have to be part of building the kingdom of God for the glory of God?” (a question I took from Britt Merrick’s, Big God). That said, there are hallmarks of the Project that I find must be present in order for my spirit to receive the richest understanding of God within those twenty days. They are these:

Daily Bible Reading (if you are already on a one-year plan, then just stay the course, if you don’t have a plan, pick a gospel or an epistle to read through)

Daily Prayer (short or long, ask God to help you learn to pray, and practice crafting some prayer times consisting only of worship and thanksgiving)

Naming and taking appropriate action against idols (this often looks like fasting from whatever has taken God’s place as preeminent in your life)

Sequestering your mind by reading thought provoking theological works (Ditch the best-selling novels for a season and instead read books that point you to the Gospel of Christ. I recommend, The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer as a starting point)

Protecting your emotions by choosing sacred music over secular for this season (just for these twenty days, use the power of music as a tool for worship whenever you have control of the play button)

Intent and faith-filled listening for the Gentle Whisper (God will be speaking to you through what you read, see, and hear – pay attention)

Memorializing the journey (somehow, either by journal, photo-journal, blogging, or just sharing with a close friend or mentor, it is important to debrief and discuss what you are experiencing, and it helps keep you accountable to stay the course).

On the very practical side, I have recently found it extremely helpful to pair this season of spiritual cleansing with physical cleansing. I like to pay a visit to my local herbalist for some wonderful cleansing teas to drink each morning as I spend time in God’s Word and prayer. It is certainly not a necessary part, but for me, it helps sharpen the focus and gives me something tangible to do as I navigate the waters of the infinite and intangible. Just a little hint you may find helpful.

What The Epignosis Project is Not

Engaging in a twenty-day intensive spiritual journey is life changing and good, but do not enter into it as a means to:

Gain points with God. If you are cloaked in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, this is the only thing that counts with God. Our righteousness is like filthy rags outside of a life in Christ. You will most certainly be rewarded for your efforts, because when we seek God we find God, but if you are approaching it as means to get God on your side, or make God think you are amazing, do not engage in the Project. Wait until your heart is so thirsty for God alone, and not what God can give you, that you are desperate to do whatever it takes to meet God on his terms.

Manipulate God. Sometimes we think that we can bargain with God by saying, “Look what I am doing God! Look how spiritual I am. Don’t you think you owe me?” If you are approaching this project as a means to manipulate God, step away and wait upon the Lord until you are brought to a place of longing to simply know God, not know what God can do for you.

Check-off your good Christian to-do list. Again, the Epignosis Project is not a requirement, it is an appropriate response to the realization of the goodness of the gospel of Christ.

Do You Crave Epignosis of God?

If this simple twenty-day journey resonates with you, and you’d like to join me in this great adventure of learning to know God better and more fully, I welcome your companionship. Today marks the conclusion of Epignosis Spring 2012. This post is already indecently long, and yet I feel I’ve only touched the very surface of the essence of this Project. So if you’d like to pursue an Epignosis Project of your own, I invite you to join me at The Epignosis Project where I will be unfolding my heart and this Project in more detail in preparation for Epignosis Fall 2012, and I hope some of you will come along for the thrilling experience of a more intimate knowledge (epignosis) of God.

1) Matthew 12:20 2) 2 Corinthians 4:6  3)Exodus 20:24

Rejoicing, Delighting, and Singing

When was the last time you lived like what you say you believe is actually true? How would it change your life if you did?

Check this out…

…because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan…And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago.  The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him. Ephesians 1:13-14

What if you faced each morning knowing that because you have put your faith in Christ you posses the Holy Spirit of God and all the juicy goodness that accompanies this truth? How would that change your approach to the mundane events of your day? How does it change things to know that you are God’s possession, that you have been guaranteed an inheritance, and that God is working out everything according to his plan and you get to be part of it?

Here’s another one:

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:5

Did you think you weren’t valuable? Did you think God simply tolerated you?  Think again. God wanted to adopt you into his own family; it gave him great pleasure!

What about this:

For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17

Imagine driving to work or school tomorrow morning and really believing that God looks upon you with so much divine love that not only have you been fully adopted and given the very Spirit of the Living God to guide your inner life, but that God actually delights in you to the point of spontaneous singing over you.

But if you are like me, it is not always easy to own these truths. Do you feel like your belief is hanging by a proverbial thread and could snap at any moment? Our kind Savior understands our frail human condition, and in his goodness…

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. And his name will be the hope of all the world. Matthew 12:20-21

Maybe your faith is weak and you feel like a dim, smoldering candlewick on the brink of being snuffed out. Take courage. You are still being held in the palm of God’s hand, and he is taking great care to keep your small flicker alive and protected from the storm that would douse your light. He will nurse your thin belief back to health while he rejoices over you with singing.