When you are fast asleep with Sammy the Lion tucked firmly under your chin is when I do my best work. My moves are cat-like as I prowl through the shadows of your moonlit room. I gather half-colored kiddie menus from last week’s excursions that you insisted on bringing home. I collect the McDonald’s toys that you’ve stashed in a pile under your bed. With one sweep of my stealth hand I can gather every gum and candy wrapper you’ve seen fit to leave on your bedside table. It’s just a little nightly ritual I’ve created to help me stay sane. It’s a harmless habit really. You wake the next morning with no memory of the vanished treasures.
You should know though, that it’s when you scamper off to that long-awaited sleep-over that the real magic begins! There have been nights that I have filled half a dozen garbage bags full of out-grown t-shirts, hole-infested socks, shoes two sizes too small that you can’t seem to part with, and scads of broken toys. Then I hide the evidence deep in the trash bins and make a pre-dawn delivery to the Salvation Army. I finish it all by re-arranging your furniture and giving your room the miracle cleaning treatment only mom can do. When you arrive home the next morning, all bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, I have expertly camouflaged my escapade and you are simply dazzled by your beautiful room. You shower me with gratitude.
The ruse is flawless. I keep clutter at bay and you get me off your back for a few days because your room stays clean. I don’t know if you suspect something more sinister is afoot. I comfort myself with stories that you know what I have done, and that you are okay with it. I convince myself that I had NO choice. I hope you won’t ever ask me where Mr. Fizzles is.
I have only one regret; your beloved purple, tattered, shrunken, stained dress you wore your entire second year of life and called “Happy Cake”, was among the casualties of one of my more energetic raids. You haven’t asked about it, but when you do, I won’t lie. I threw out the Happy Cake dress my darling– and I’m very sorry.
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